Barry Kleiman

I’m Tiger Woods

This quick phrase, not dissimilar to “Got Milk”? was the tagline of a very successful ad campaign a few years back.

It was successful simply because everyone around, not just golfers repeated the line wanting to separate themselves from the pack by extolling their excellence at some thing.

Well, milk still does many “a body good” but nobody now repeats the phrase “I’m Tiger Woods”.

In this life you must have integrity to have anything else. Tom Peters a highly regarded author and management consultant stated ” There is no such thing as a minor lapse of integrity”…..makes sense to me!

I understand that debates may rage on about the temptation attached to a person of  Tiger’s fame and other similar commentary but (material) riches aside nobody, not even Tiger wants to be Tiger Woods right now.

“It’s a sad man my friend who’s living in his own friend and can’t stand the company” Bruce Springsteen sings in his song “Better Days” ……my guess is that defines TW at this time.

“Better Days” – Bruce Springsteen

He’s let down many a fan, ruined relations with many a sponsor but most importantly he has let down his wife, children and family. He lied to the public for sure but lied to them which is truly sad.

The Truth really will set you free……….even if it first pisses you off . Learn yours, know yours, live yours, if nothing else you can live in your own skin.

I am hopeful for all concerned, particularly Wood’s family that he is as much of an off-course magician as he is on the course.

If Tiger relates at all to Springsteen I hope he also listens to and tries his competitiveness best to relate to The Beatles “Hey Jude”………… Hey Tiger, “take a sad song and make it better”, you owe it to your family!

“Hey Jude” – The Beatles

At any moment, man must decide, for better or for worse, what will be the monument of his existence. - Viktor Frankl

This wonderful yet haunting quote resonated in my mind while wrapping up a call today with my older brother (now Grandfather….which makes me a Great Uncle).

He and I were discussing the newest addition to our family and came around to our young adult children. He shared the fact that his youngest, this bright, energetic overall cool guy (I’m biased but honest!) continued to struggle with the same thoughts that nag many of us, the “What do I want to be when I grow up” thoughts.

“You know, you deal with these things and young adults everyday in your professional life as well as with your (AmeriCorps Alumni) trainings” he stated.

I do and I assured him that it was fairly typical AND that though typical on the one hand I truly believed most of us know what we want we just don’t have the trust… in ourselves to believe and act.

“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.”  – Robert Fritz

“If not you then who do you trust?” is my challenge to the folks in our trainings. Who better than you to believe and believe in?

QUESTION: Is there a better value to impart upon your loved ones (or yourself for that matter) than to trust/believe in themselves?

Our program “How the Truth Will Set You and Your Career Free” has to some a seemingly hokey title but is rooted in that concept. Of course there are ways to explore your thoughts to become what I call “familiar with yourself” but the fact still remains;

If you think you can you can, if you think you can’t you can’t.

Ask yourself: If not me then who; If not now then when?

Remember, everything else other than what you TRULY want (and understand WHY) is a compromise!

From my friend Coach Dale Brown:

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee… You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her.  She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up..  She was tired of fighting and struggling.  It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen.  She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire.  Soon the pots came to boil.  In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.  She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.  She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl.  She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.  Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.  Turning to her daughter, she asked, ‘ Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots.  She did and noted that they were soft.  The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it.  After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee.  The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.  The daughter then asked, ‘What does it mean , mother?’

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity:  boiling water.  Each reacted differently.  The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting.  However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.  The egg had been fragile.  Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.  The ground coffee beans were unique, however.  After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter.  ’When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?  Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this:  Which am I?  Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?  Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff ?  Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean?  The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.  When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.  If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.  When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level?  How do you handle adversity?  Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

“The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.” -Gloria Steinem 

 

THE STORY BELOW IS 100% FACTUAL except for the name!

 

Several years ago I was approached by “Paul” who had been a basketball coach at the Division I (major college) level for a period of time that spanned two decades but now wanted to change careers. “Paul” knew of me both from my own career in executive recruitment/development as well as my avocation as high school basketball coach.

(Executive Development = Helping folks develop to their maximum potential through their respective careers)

 

“Help me posture my resume”, he said, “so that I can interview for a job in sales”. “Posture your resume”? I asked. “Paul, what are you posturing, you’ve been in coaching for 20 years! Just tell your story and how you came to this decision. Just tell the truth”. I went on to state, “There is Tremendous Power in the TRUTH”.

 

If you are not truthful about your history (resume) you must live a lie moving forward. What a terrible way to live! What a terrible career premise!

 

My guess is that you have much to offer. Understanding WHAT it is, how to explain it in a compelling fashion and believing the TRUTH is very compelling is the essence of this document.

 

In his New York Times best seller The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey stated that many people spend their entire lives trying to climb the ladder of success only to find it’s up against the wrong wall. The Tremendous Power of the Truth, as depicted here in PART ONE of this piece, will help you to ascertain on which wall to rest your ladder. PART TWO on INTERVIEWING will help to get your ladder firmly placed on that wall.

 

 

Respectfully speaking, I do not care what you want to do! I have no agenda for your life!!

That said, like anyone else I do have an agenda and in this case I hope ours are the same:

• Identify your TRUTHS
• Develop a deep appreciation of the irrefutable benefit the TRUTH provides
•  Integrate those TRUTHS into each dialogue, communication, and conversation you have with everyone you know…..including perspective employers!

 

I’ve been fortunate to see the Tremendous Power of the TRUTH in action during my 30+ years of working with people transitioning in their lives. (I’ve seen the opposite in action as well…….the TRUTH is much preferred!)

 

Knowing WHAT you want and WHY is the first step to any successful transition, certainly your job search. If during the course of your search we were to work together or, if you work with any third party (brother, sisters, neighbor, colleague etc)  knowing exactly WHAT you want and WHY is the key to being able to provide clarity to that to that third party….who also might be a future employer!

 

Think about it, if you’re clear and communicate that clarity for the purpose of arranging an interview and the interview is successful and you get hired, everybody wins. You get what you TRULY want, the other side gets a clear vision of the TRUE you and everybody is happy, everyone wins. Simple! No tricks, no hidden agenda, just the TRUTH for all concerned.

 

  

It’s been said that “the most important sale you’ll ever make is to yourself”. If you are 100% clear on WHAT you want, and WHY, every decision you make gets clearer; every conversation more concise; every question more honestly, effectively asked and answered.  I’m down on one knee, I’m begging now………..“Become familiar with yourself”.

 

As simple an example as this may seem consider the times when you’ve ordered food in a restaurant. When you know what you want, when you’re clear on what will satisfy you satisfaction is usually achieved. At least for me, less clear = less satisfied.

 

We live in a time when there is PLENTY of “noise” around us, many ways information streams into our lives. Some is wanted some unwanted but either way it is an absolute overload! If you’re like many this “noise” becomes a true deterrent to the focus of our lives. 

 

If that verbiage isn’t clear, turn up the volume your radio, iPod, TV etc to a significant level and then attempt a meaningful conversation with your mother, father, sister, brother, spouse or child. Speaking and or listening probably becomes fairly tough, it’s a  bit too noisy? Turn that device off and attempt the same conversation. Unless you want the distraction, unless you don’t really want to have the conversation the quiet way is far more effective!

 

Opinions abound in our lives and the opinions of others out of context to your TRUTHS are “noise” as well. You’d be wise to find a truly quiet time, void of any of the above distractions and/or afore mentioned opinions then ask and answer this single question;

What’s Important Now?

(W.I.N. as we say in coaching)

 

What is the single most important thing in your life NOW? What MUST you have to make you transition forward a success? WHY?

 

To reference Stephen Covey again, we all have priorities and as such should attach our actions to those priorities.

 

To be clear I am not promising nirvana; I’m not suggesting this is a perfect world. In most cases you can’t get everything you want, but, you should be clear on what you want most and then what you’d be willing to give to attain that WHAT ….you have to give to get!

 

 

Consider the words of Napoleon Hill in his inspirational classic “Think and Grow Rich”!  In the chapter on “DESIRE” Hill describes the six steps to riches. The following are his words for Step 2: “Determine exactly what you intend to give in return for the money you desire. (There is no such reality as “something for nothing)””.

 

The point though of everything I’m espousing, the point of this entire philosophy is not give up what you want most but in fact to get what you want most;  which is impossible until you know that WHAT first.

 

The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want now – Zig Ziglar

 

For each of us walking the earth THERE IS ONLY ONE TRUTH!

What is more important as you move forward from this day then understanding your TRUTHS and in turn using those to honestly represent WHAT you are about and WHY?

Understanding “What’s Important Now” (W.I.N.) in your life is the greatest asset imaginable.

 

I believe from the bottom of my heart that you’ll  be doing yourself and all of those close to you a tremendous disservice if you don’t take the time to understand “What’s Important Now” (W.I.N.)

 

If it’s fair to say that being aware of and acting on personal priorities is crucial to a happy, effective existence might it also fair to say that our priorities shift as we evolve in our personal and professional lives?

 

If so……….when was the last time you realigned YOU with YOU?

 

TRUTHFULLY most of us would say it’s been too long and understandably so. An up-to-date awareness of priorities is difficult to attain in these turbulent times, however, if not now then when?

 

“If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?” – John Wooden

 

Think about your life just 5 years ago. What has changed? Have any priorities shifted as a result? Have you adjusted your actions to the new priorities?

My wife of 29 years and I were not “empty-nesters” five years ago. Our priorities certainly shifted! Our relationship needed to be revisited!

 

If you’re still with me it’s time for the hard part of this piece; THE WRITTEN WORD!

 

This is the place where most people fail. What a sin!

 

We’ve discussed “noise” and blocking it out, we’ve discussed “becoming familiar with yourself” so now take what you’ve learned, block out the noise, find 30 or so of uninterrupted minutes to consider and  WRITE DOWN “What’s Important Now” (W.I.N.).

 

The top priority in your life, NOW, TODAY, what is it? WRITE IT DOWN!

 

Now ask yourself, TRUTHFULLY, are you spending enough time working with that priority?

 

This seemingly simple exercise is very impactful and the impact will be quite profound on you and those close to you. The process can be a challenge, needs to be systemic but once again the results will be quite liberating!

 

Continue by writing down other things you’d like to accomplish. Don’t worry yet about editing, just write! List first, prioritize later…you already have #1 (Subject to change at any time; you’re human, you’re allowed)

 

Whether the things are personal and/or professional is of no consequence. Remember, the simple goal is to get “familiar with you”.

 

From there, WRITE DOWN “WHY” you want to do these things

(WHAT: Play Guitar – WHY: Want to have a mutual interest with my daughter)

 

Now that you’ve prepared your WHAT/WHY list, prioritize. Which point is a must have which would be nice to have etc.

 

Don’t take too long at this part, the first pass is most important and once you’ve completed this written chronicle of your priorities as you know them today………take a walk, read a book, cook a meal etc. Leave it alone for a while, it’s written so it will be there when you get back.

 

If you’re at all like me it will all haunt you a bit as you cook, clean, exercise or read!

 

If you don’t do this for yourself who will? 

 

This prioritized list of WHATS and WHYS is what I call a W.I.N. Statement; your own inventory of you.

 

Show your W.I.N statement to somebody close to you, a spouse, sibling, friend etc. Ask them if they think your comments are an accurate depiction of you, as they know you TODAY. If so, great! If not, why?

 

Your W.I.N. statement is a fluid document so keep working at this and the whole concept of the TRUTH………. it is so very powerful!

 

Your W.I.N. statement is also a personal blueprint that can simplify many decisions you make during periods of great dissonance because you’ve prepared yourself during quiet times.

 

At the risk of sounding corny, “congratulations”! You’ve just successfully completed a very important interview. You’ve asked yourself and answered some tough questions and done so honestly.

 

“One lies the loudest when one lies to himself”.       

 

Hopefully you found PART ONE of “How the Truth Will Set You (and Your Career) Free” useful in some way, shape or form. The concept of understanding yourself first and then communicating how YOU might be a positive to others will serve everyone well.

 

If you’re interested in PART TWO of this piece, the process of using your W.I.N. statement as a guiding point to the interview process send me an email barry@bckassociates. I’m more than glad to share.

  

Barry C. Kleiman & Associates

Connecting Resources and Opportunities Since 1980

2936 Domingo Ave. Suite #5

Berkeley, CA 94705

(510) 549-7300 fax (510) 549-7306

barry@bckassociates.com